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I had looked forward to the dinner as a welcome distraction from my deep down thirst to be subjugated, humiliated, degraded by white men. This deep down thirst had started to surface a year ago and I had done everything possible to ignore it. I had worked three jobs, volunteered and learned how to play several musical instruments, just so I didn't act on it; Just so I didn't feel it swallowing me little by little; just so I can keep an air of respectability. I knew it would be a matter of time before my wall would come down and I lived in fear of it. So on this particular night, when my friends cancelled our plans at the last minute, they may as well have allowed me sink with the Titanic. They wouldn't have done it on purpose, and I could have struggle just a little harder, but alas I was on my way down, stuck deep down the bowls of the ship. It all began at 8pm when I went online to a hookup site. I was desperately scrawling through profiles, and sending messages to white men that. .. I wonder what she’s doing now.Which gets me to The Duchess, (my nickname for her) is still here, and single as far as I know... She is another one of those chicks that was classy, to put it nicely. But I said those three words to her as well. After our sexual encounter, I had to walk away from her for good.Denise had her child. Her ex is the father. She’s doing great. I learned something from her also. “Hell hath no fury.”Which gets me to Jasmine. We’ve known each other for years. I always thought she was a beautiful woman. I was a rebound fuck for her, which was always cool with me.Olivia got a job and moved north. She was actually real cool to me. Believe it or not, I was sincere after our sexual encounter. She was so gorgeous. She was talented. She was smart. Fuck those who think otherwise. I told her that. Were we lovers or friends? To this day, I still don’t know.Becky, the Sweetheart is actually getting married soon. I heard her sorority sisters were invited to the wedding..
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